Sex Talk: Part 2
I feel like my last post turned into a slight psychoanalysis of myself and I went off on a little bit of a tangent, so I’ll keep this post a little shorter. If you stuck with my wandering thoughts and actually made it to the end of that long ramble – thank you!
In the introductory paragraphs of Sex Talk: Part One, I touch on the lack of sexual encounters being experienced by myself and associate singletons. If you are prone to enjoying one-night stands and flings (which is cool, I fully support this, and participate, as long as you’re safe and comfortable!) or if you have a regular sexual partner but don’t have the privilege of shacking up with them during this pandemic, then I think we can collectively call ourselves: frustrated. Sexually frustrated. I think it’s indisputable that some may have had moments where the sexual frustration has become all too much and, therefore, snuck out and rolled in the sheets with a lover – don’t worry, I won’t tell. But for most of us, I’m sure we have been turning to the company of our hands (or more so than usual). So, without further ado, let’s talk about masturbation.
Quick question for my ladies: in school, did a group of teenage ‘cool boys’, that you’d probably only ever said 2 words to in your life, ever turn to you and ask if you “flick your bean”? What did you say? Or did you, wisely, not give them the satisfaction of an answer and, instead, let them giggle and conspire between themselves? If we said yes, they’d have probably been shocked and/or came in their pants straight away but if we said no, we were bound to be met with endless questions of why, why not? If you’ve ever told a boy that you do, have you noticed how their interest is immediately sparked and they begin to get flustered? They attempt to start a ~sexy conversation~ or ask all kinds of personal questions that you may or may not feel comfortable answering or they hit you with the old classic: “show me😍💦”...Bork. Go away please, sir. Whereas if we asked a boy (which I can say I never would because…it is private and also…who cares?) if they enjoyed pleasuring themselves the answer would be yes and that would be that. No more questions. Why is this? Because this act of self-pleasuring is normalised for boys yet not for girls.
I know a lot of women that are embarrassed to admit that they masturbate which, as per Part One, proves that we hold shame within ourselves as sexual beings with natural sexual desires and urges. I myself, was one of these women up until a couple of years ago when I met some girls that were refreshingly sexually liberated. They were astounded to learn that I had previously faked orgasms with sexual partners as this was something they would never do. I soon grew in confidence in myself as a sexual individual. I voiced my sexual likes and dislikes to partners, let go of any previous kink shame that I held within myself, stopped faking orgasms, recognised my worth, AND got my first sex toy. Let me tell you, I was so intimidated by this big, pink, vibrating FIEND. I umm-ed and ahhh-ed about using it for a while but when I bit the bullet ( ;) ) and used it, seriously, it is life changing. If you are able to incorporate sex toys into your solo, or partnered, play then I highly recommend that you do.
Even when women are recognised to masturbate, e.g. in films/media/porn, it is usually overly sexualised purely for the sake of male pleasure. I think the most important thing is to get to know our own anatomy. Do some research. Don't be shy. Take a mirror down there, have a little look, have a feel, get to know yourself. If you don’t know how to please yourself then you can’t expect a partner to know either. Let’s overly sexualise ourselves for OUR own pleasure. We are sexy as fuck. Every so often, romanticise your masturbation. Plan it like a date night with yourself. Change your bed sheets. Run yourself a bath, light some candles, shave (or don’t!!!). Shut your eyes and moisturise yourself with a cream that reminds you of sex (I like to use Chanel No5 body lotion). Wear sexy lingerie for your eyes only. Let your hands caress your body. Spray behind your ears, your wrists, and the nape of your neck with perfume (again, shoutout to Chanel No5). Flick on some mood lighting or enjoy the tones of candlelight. Use your imagination. Don’t rush yourself to orgasm. Notice what feels good and let yourself feel good. Once more: romanticise your masturbation.
Of course, it’s not going to be all rose petals and wine every time we get a horny wave (which is very often for me). One of my favourite portrayals of realistic female masturbation is Phoebe Waller-Bridge’s character in Fleabag casually starting to have a play whilst watching an Obama speech and eating snacks. Honestly, same.
Figure out what it is that turns you on – this isn’t always overtly sexual.
Happy wanking <3
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